


John, it wasn't so easy for Alex, but don't feel pity for him, he doesn't deserve that.

by orphan_account



Series: Laurens wouldn't wait for it! [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Angst, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Memories, Normal Life, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Secrets, Slice of Life, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2017-10-12
Packaged: 2019-01-16 08:20:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12338964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Laurens thinks too much, but at least finds what he is supposed to do after that ugly fight with Alex!Angelica helps him, and he recalls Alexanders life, understanding this complicated but precious man a bit more.Also, John likes to think that Alex and him are like family...or something.





	John, it wasn't so easy for Alex, but don't feel pity for him, he doesn't deserve that.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it! This is part of a series I'm making about a rejected John, so check the other parts!  
> I worked really hard on this one. Please tell me what you think!

Laurens wouldn't have been able to sleep that morning if it wasn't for all that heavy feelings he had been carrying on his shoulders, that he is carrying on his shoulders the whole time. When he woke up at 10:20 a.m. he just hit the skip alarm on his phone and continued sleeping. It sounded again, at 10:25 a.m. and this time he did woke up. He felt on automatic the whole morning. He didn't shower, just dressed as fast as he could and took all he needed for the day: books, check; keys, check; Peggy's super important USB, check; phone, off course; and he took some money for breakfast, John was starving, but there was not much food on the kitchen, just...just the instant coffee Alex bought once,

> -You know, I really think I've become addicted to caffeine,-Alex said while shaking the instant coffee jar- so, for the days I stay asleep here, I need to be prepared-.

He laughed a little awkwardly, he probably knew what it really meant to do that, at least John did. He thought "You're planning on staying here often". And yes, he did. And yes, John liked it a lot, maybe one of his favorite things. Unsure of why, he come up with the idea that it was because he just liked the warm and loudness with what the house was filled every time the boy was there to visit. Everything took brighter colors around him, and John liked observing him like if he was an endangered specie, it was his inner biologist making it's way through him and taking notes of Alexander, of what he eat, how much he slept (if he ever), what could hurt him, and how to protect this unique specie he was so lucky to find.

Sure he didn't wanted to stalk him, he wanted to respect his solitude moments, but this little and angry man just made him so curious. Since the first time they met, Alex stired up all of Laurens' beliefs. He felt like waking up, like for the first time he was actually using his eyes. He saw the real world, he learned about cruelness, about kindness. All of it by himself, but without Alex's little push, he would be just the same rich kid from the block.

While thinking, John realized he had indeed made instant coffee. He was sitting on the high wood stool of the kitchen, with his hands wrapped on the hot mug. He looked at the time, 10:35 a.m, he better get going.

He went to the university on his bike, making sure of not taking the Trevol Trial "shortcut". This time he didn't kick his bicycle when he parked it, just run fast to Peggy's class, but he didn't see her. He checked his phone: no messages. Where was she? He tried calling her, and chat with her, but nothing, and it was already late. He called Angelica, and she answered pretty fast, but wasn't saying anything, John just heard the background sound and said

-Hey Angelica, I'm looking for Peggy, Have you...-

-Yes, she's in the cafeteria with me, her presentation starts on a few minutes, come here fast-.

He went there fast, but couldn't stop thinking of the way Angelica spoke to him. She wasn't the warmest of people, but she wasn't rude either, not with his friends at least, and John considered himself to be her friend. She was really fond of Alex, and was always taking care of him, so when he became close to Alex, it was inevitable to be around her too.

After he handed the USB to Peggy, and wished her good luck, John looked at Angelica, she was staring back at him, visibly waiting for Peggy to go so she could speak to him. "Good luck to you" Peggy whispered as she left to her class. John had a little idea of why Angelica looked so pissed, he started

-Ange, I think I know why you're mad, but-.

She interrupted him with her strong voice- No, Laurens. First, don't call me "Ange" right now... you who came here pretending nothing happened.-

-Actually I just came here because of Peggy, and now, I'm leaving-. He wasn't angry, he just thought he could take this conversation now, but he was wrong, he didn't wanted to talk to anyone. Came to think that he planned on asking Burr some help. What a dumbass.

-No- she said and took him by the sleeve- You're not leaving, Do you know what you did to Alex?-.

\- ...Do you know what he did to me?- John said coldly- What exactly did he tell you?-.

She looked to the cafeteria's floor, It was hot in there, and smelled as grease. She looked back into his eyes, more calmed and said,

-Let's go somewhere else, I think you need someone to talk to, too- and gave him a kind, closed-lip smile. It was her "I'm sorry for being so rude before" smile.

John smiled back, with his "It's okay, I don't care" smile.

They walked through the campus. The Liberty University was surrounded by palm trees, which was weird because they weren't natural from the area, nobody knows who planted them, but they were nice, Alex said once that they reminded him of his town. John disliked them, specially now that they would be the only witnesses to the conversation that was about to take place.

-John, it wasn't my intention to blame it on you, but now I'm ready to listen to the other side of the story- she started, the were walking slowly through the trees.

John waved his hands around the leaves, unsure of how to start.- Well, Ange...- He stared at her, making sure it was safe to call her "Ange" again. She just leaned her head, encouraging him to go on.- ...I'm sure he didn't missed to tell you anything, so I guess you already know how I feel about Alex?-.

-pff, I'm sorry, I'm not laughing, I'm not! this is a serious matter! It's just that you two had such a...special relationship, so I thought it was pretty obvious you loved each other-.

-Don't say it like that...- Laurens didn't liked to admit that he actually liked the word "love".-Alex just said it once, and it was shallow.

-I don't think Alexander would ever be shallow while saying something like that-.

John squeezed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes- Okay, you're right, but he doesn't love me the way I want him to -. Not believing what he just said, he reopened his eyes. Wow, he did said it out loud. He felt like he just took a step ahead. 

They had stopped walking, Ange was leaning on her back against the trunk of the palm. A smile was on her face, she could also see the step Laurens just made.

\- I...-he continued- I think I lost control yesterday... I could've say it the way I just did now, but it was so hard, I felt like there was a wall or something between us that was stopping me from just say what I wanted to say and...and I think I just went with all my strength against it, I just wanted to break it. And...- John didn't know how to explain the rest.

-...and you couldn't measure whatever that came through your mouth?- Angelica was trying to help him. She wasn't angry anymore, John thought that maybe the one that explained to her the events of that night, was a dramatic drunk Alex, and she probably didn't thought how much both of them were hurting. At least she asked for his opinion, Laurens could open up easily to her, she had that ability. And it had also helped himself to talk out loud.

\- Yes...that's basically what happened- John exhaled, and with that breath, he just took a little bit of the weight from his shoulders. But not all of it.

\- Alex sent me a bunch of messages last night. I listened to the first ones, they were just loud background music and I was like "Well, the kid does know how to party, even in a Sunday night"-then, Ange looked less happy, and John knew what was coming- The last two were him telling me that he fought with you, that you took advantage of his feelings. That you called him a liar and a coward...You know how hard those words are for him, right? Specially coming from you-. She said it in a lecturing tone, but she was right.

-I...I know they would hurt- "That's why I did it" He thought. He did wanted to hurt him then, but just because Alex had also said some bad things to him that he didn't wanted to recall right now.

\- That's not all, look, he said this crying. Like, I know he was drunk and would tear easily, but even then it sounded messy... John, I couldn't really understand what he said, but it was something about his father, something like "I shouldn't have told Laurens", what did he mean?-.

John couldn't talk about it. He had betrayed his friend by using a painful truth Alex confessed to him. It was a dark memory that he kept in the back of his mind, and he trusted John to keep it.

It was on a hot summer afternoon, they were on Herc's home, and Alex was laying shirtless on the floor, trying to cool down. He and Laurens were on a state of dreaming, drunk by the heat. Alex moaned loudly, John said nothing, then Alex moaned again trying to catch his attention. John looked at him and said with fake angry tone:

> -Whaaat?-.
> 
> -Immahungr- the words melted on Alex's mouth.
> 
> -What?- He chuckled.
> 
> -I am feeling hunger- Alex said slowly, as if teaching Laurens how to speak.
> 
> -Okay, Take some food...?-.
> 
> -There's none I like, I want something delicious, not cereal again!- He complained like a child, and John said
> 
> -Okay, wanna go outside?-. 
> 
> Alex nodded, and stood up immediately, like he was just waiting for Laurens to say that. Waiting on the door, John looked incredulous at him.
> 
> -What?-Alex said
> 
> -I don't know of many places were they would let you ingress shirtless- John was mocking at him, and Alex let out a long sight, 
> 
> -You're lucky I'm too tired to protest!-  He said while going upstairs to change.

They decided to go to  _7_ - _Eleven._ Actually John did, for two reasons: first, it was near, they didn't have the energy to walk much. Second: as always, John was paying, and at the moment he didn't had much, so 7-Eleven would do just fine.

When they arrived, they bought two "Big Gulps" and two hot dogs. Alex filled his with all the toppings and sauces he saw. John was a simple man, Ketchup was enough. They sat outside on a bench. From where they were they couldn't see the sunset, but the air and everything around them was filled with its colors. The street was relatively lonely, except for some lady walking his dog. Alexander asked:

> -John, what breed of dog is that?-.
> 
> -I don't know, it looks like a German shepherd-.
> 
> -No, I thought it was a German shepherd, but I know it's something else-. He said with his hand on his chin, thinking position, and staring at the dog.
> 
> -Mmm, then maybe an Australian shepherd, does that ring the bell?- He wondered why Alex was so self-involved in that dog, but he stopped making such questions after knowing Alex for almost a year. He was just like that.
> 
> -Yes! That's it...yeah- Alex turned his head to look at John with a melancholic smile appearing on his lips.- You know, I used to have a dog like that when I was 13. I loved it, his name was Seamus- John made an interruption with his chuckle
> 
> -Seamus? Like in the song "Seamus the dog"?-.
> 
> Alex chuckled too.- I liked Pink Floyd. I played the harmonica, he howled along side, we were the perfect team-. He stayed quiet. Alexander barely ever talked about his family or his childhood. All John knows is that he used to live in Florida before coming to New York, and that his mom died. So John didn't wanted to be pushy, but wanted him to keep going, he immediately said
> 
> -Hey Alex, and what happened to him?- Alex suddenly looked gloomy and John face-palmed himself internally. "Ah, I really need to think before talk. 'What happened to him?', the dog is probably dead, and now Alex is sad, well done Laurens". But Alex answered despite John's thoughts,
> 
> -My father took it.- Silence.
> 
> -I-I'm sorry.- Was all that John could say.
> 
> -Nah, It's okay -Alex smiled with his eyes closed- It happened 6 years ago, I'm okay now-.

But John knew it wasn't OK, and he didn't think before saying it out loud- That sucks man-.

> -Indeed-.

John was almost finishing his hot dog, and Alex, that was so hungry before, had only taken one bite.

> Laurens was in deep, so he just risked it and asked before they lose the thread of the conversation- Why did he do that?-.
> 
> Alexander just answered as if he was on an interview- He never said it, but after thinking of why, I've come up with the conclusion that it reminded him of her-.
> 
> -By her you mean your mom?-.
> 
> -Yes...she gave me the dog, and after she passed, I traveled to Ft. Lauderdale to live with my father and his family. I brought Seamus with me.

"I know he didn't liked her, once he said to me: 'Did you know that is not a pure breed?' and I said 'Mom told me it was an Australian shepherd'. And then he said that she could never afford a dog like that with her usual job, that she probably got the money from an 'extra job'. Off course I got that he was calling her a whore, but I just played fool and smiled; he provoked me with things like that the whole time, but there was nothing I could do! I was hanging from a thread, and I had to swallow all that because...I had nowhere else to go. But one night I just couldn't contain myself. It was after dinner...I heard him talking to his wife in angry whispers "...I'm just saying that Social Services recognized him as my son, but I know he isn't mine, and now that bitch dies and I'm left with her shit! It isn't fair!". I know I should have stepped back and go to my room, but that was the last straw, and I...let loose"

John never understood what he meant by "Let loose". He imagined Alex breaking into the room and shouting, and using his voice after keeping it in so much.

Alex continued- Off course things heated up quickly, and before I could realize, I was on the floor with my father over me, punching my face...I don't know, I think I gave the first hit, because that's why they didn't receive me back on the Social Services, because I had started it. Those 'Services' are useful to no one, I didn't wanted to go back into that house, but I understood they couldn't kick me out. So after that night,. I never thought he would take Seamus away, I searched for him, but he was lost, and John, it is my fault. I had nothing else to lose after that. Since then, we always fought, he called me bastard the whole time. He used to shout my name with such a disgust in his voice, but what I hated the most was all that he said about my mom- Alexander voice changed from being furious to being broken-... John, I was starting to forget her, and her memory was twisting into this... dirty and filthy woman my father had put inside my head. That's why I stayed with my mothers last name, I wanted to remember her, and to be far removed from him. I was rarely on the house, most of the time I was on the library. Then I got the scholarship. To be honest, that was a blessing, because...- he stopped. John never took his eyes away from him, not even when Alex started to cry. His face was wet and the orange light reflected on hid tears. Laurens didn't know what to do, he had never seen Alex like that. "Maybe a light hug?", he passed an arm around him and hugged him gently, Alex tightened the grip and finally cried, sobbing and all.

> \- I don't want to get back, John- Alex let out on his friend's shoulder.

John thought to himself "You wanted to know more about him, now you do, hope you're happy". He wasn't happy, but he liked that Alexander let that out, that he had trusted in him to help him carry with that burden.

And what did John do? Throw all that shit against him on a moment of weakness.

-Hey, Laurens, you okay? -It was Angelica's voice. She had her hands on Johns shoulders, shaking him a little- You don't have to tell me what was the thing about his father, but let's keep talking-.

Right, he lost himself there for a while.- I am, I'm fine. I was just remembering something.- That's true, he wanted to keep talking to Ange, now he was starting to understand how important this conversation was.

-John, Alex has a lot of unhealed things inside, I'm sure you're aware of that. Have I ever told you how I met him? Long story short: I was on vacation in Miami, and the first thing I see as I enter to this club, is this 15 year old kid full of bruises, his little body leaning against the counter. I go near him and he looks visibly drunk, I feel sorry for him- She looked disgusted while saying it- and I asked him, just to be friendly "Some drunk fight, eh?", and do you know what he answers? "Don't worry babe, this place is safe. I got this at home"-. Angelica was severe while talking, she didn't like having felt pity for his friend- So you see, he comes to this new land and feels that he can have a family or something, he gains our respect and grows closer to people, to you...so this fight, whatever the reason, whoever the guilty, I don't care, but you need to mend this, because Alex wont do it, he doesn't know how to! And he can't lose such a member from his "family or something", right?-.

-Right.- Family or something. Alex had slowly became his family or something too.

Angelica came to an important fact. When you're that hurt, it doesn't matter who's fault it is. You just need to stand up and do something. He started running,

-Hey! Laurens, where'r you going?- Ange shouted.

-I think I understood something, thanks for everything!- He was already far on the campus.

-Wait! you never told me your part of the story!-.

Yes, but he didn't need to, not anymore. And he didn't have any time to lose!

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't edit it, but I will, so if there's any mistakes, please let me know!


End file.
